who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
