why didn't you poke me back
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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