idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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