I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
