Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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