Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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