do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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