I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize