you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
