I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
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So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?