Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant