the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
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He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.