I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.