when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
