Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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