I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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