you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
