Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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