just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
