Someone shit on the floor
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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