You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
