What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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