I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
