This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
