i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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