Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
