Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize