Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
