With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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