neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
