i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
