i was born a porn star she said
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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