So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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