Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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