Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
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if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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