foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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