Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
