Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
