R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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