It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
