Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
