The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
