I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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