If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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