Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
