my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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