I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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