some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
