amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize