i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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