how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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