Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
