She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
