i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
