I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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