no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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