Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
