it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
