It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
