My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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