Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
