why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
