worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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