Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
