And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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