I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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