That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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