Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
