I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
