I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
